I have been mad at America for quite some time. I think it has to do with the vitriol in politics. We are so divided, us and them, we are so far divided that sometimes I think we are not united at all. We are not united, we are divided, and we are our own worst enemy.
A member of our family has been in Afghanistan in the United States Army for the past few years. Every now and then she gets to come home for a little while to see her three-year-old son, Isaiah for a month or so. She came home last month for a year. She may not be going back at all, but for the time being, she's safe at home, stationed in Georgia and living and raising her son. I do not know this girl very well, having only met her once or twice before at my son's house. She is my son's wife's first cousin and she and my daughter-in-law, Kelly, are very close. When I saw her over the 4th of July weekend, I openly cried to see her home, sitting with her son, safe and sound. It was embarrassing, this reaction, since I don't know her very well, but I was unable to control myself. Sobbing with sincere gratitude that we were gathered for a party in her honor and not for a more sinister reason, I had to turn away so she would not think me melodramatic. I ached to think how utterly sad and tragic it would be had we not had her homecoming to celebrate that day. When I heard of how she went out for bagels one day soon after her return from Afghanistan, and Isaiah, having awakened in her absence, cried because he thought she had "gone back to Ganistan," it broke my heart. It breaks my heart still every time I think of it. I am insane with anger, furious at a country that allows a child to feel that insecurity, and I know that this little drama is being played out all over the world for U.S. soldiers and allies. I am livid with a country that will allow a president with a personal vendetta to get us into a war that we have no business fighting. We will get out of there, of course, but things will go back to the same for them and we will have lost thousands of innocent young men and women for no good reason. I'm incensed at a country that allows the mentally ill to have guns, and that radio personalities and game-show hosts get to fashion our history. How is it that decent citizens celebrate a person who kills wolves from a helicopter as someone we follow and adore? How did we get here? And why?
So yes, I'm mad as hell at our country right now, and feeling as I do, should probably move to Ireland where I belong. If I lived in Belfast during "The Troubles" I know I would have been an activist for freedom, and maybe I would have lost my life too, but there are clear reasons for fighting, and there are muddy waters in the decision making of the day, and we are nearing the weeds ever-so-slowly and painfully. We are like a person who knows that if he gets behind the wheel drunk, he may very well die, but he is powerless to stop himself. We are fascinated by those who scratch and claw their way into the limelight, and like moths to the flame we are drawn to them. But we do so at our own peril.
I was feeling very bitter about my country up until about 2100hrs last night when I happened upon a special on the naturalization ceremony for new citizens. A million immigrants become American citizens every year. Seeing America through their eyes helped me to get a grip on my own storm of negativity, my depression over being here, being a self-hating American. They were celebratory, all of them. With tears in their eyes and pride in their hearts, they took the oath to serve and protect America, to love her like they do their own homeland, and to be a good addition to the country, not a drain. I could not help myself, my own eyes filled with tears, my own heart swelled with pride, though I was still mystified at my anger. Almost all of them mentioned having pets as being a "good thing about being an American." One man said that he was impressed that Americans care about animals, care about their feelings and their well-being, because "in Iraq, where I come from, we don't care about people as much as Americans care about animals." Almost all said they were happy to own a car, a house and a few dogs and cats. They considered having a four-footed family member a blessing in their adopted country. One woman said "I love that you have 911, if you get in trouble, you call 911 and someone comes and helps you."
Wow.
A gay man was happy that he no longer had to hide who he was, and several people talked about being able to go to the church of their choice. Others discussed the fact that we have all our basic needs met; water, electricity, food and shelter. So many other countries don't even have that.
So yeah, America is a good idea.
But I'm confused, My friend, a pharmacist, laments how so many people come into the pharmacy for their prescription but, upon learning the price, cannot take home the medicine they so desperately need. He cannot help them. Yet, illegal aliens come in and for some reason, have vouchers for free medicine. In my own family, we have little children who need medical coverage, but alas, their parents make too much money - trust me on this, they don't - to deserve free health care. Yet those who are not working get it freely.
America is broken. It needs fixing. I am leaving this world someday with grandchildren and great-grandchildren and I had hoped I had brought my sons into a world in which they could thrive, not simply survive. Now, I will be surprised if they find they can get all their basic needs met.
As I write this missive that I hope someday my descendants will find and read so they will know me, know that I was here, and understand me, there are states shutting down because they have no money for basic services. America is broken, she needs some attention and some tender loving care. We inherited a country founded on tenets that are noble and right, but somewhere along the way we lost our way.
Yes, America is a good idea, and sometimes it takes an outsider, like Bono, like those people on the documentary, to help us to remember that America is a good idea.
But she's only just that, a good idea. We have a long way to go.
